Photos of Real Life Sexy Housewives.

3 Jun

At the moment my theme song would have to be ‘I Got You, Babe’. Not because I’m having a resurgence of love for UB40, although there is certainly a time and a place for that (usually about 3am with red wine stained lips) but because I’ve been feeling decidedly as though I’m living in Ground Hog Day, but without the cute little beaver hog thing.
I was completely prepared for the newborn slog, but being prepared in your head is never the same as reality. Reality smells funny and comes with sore nipples because reality really does bite.

Feed, nappy, sleep, put on wash, stack dishwasher, hang washing, feed D Man, make a cuppa, make breakfast- DING!
Feed, nappy, sleep, clean up toys, unstack dishwasher, feed D Man, make a cuppa, get washing, make lunch – DING!
Feed, nappy, sleep, clean up toys, stack dishwasher, feed D Man, make a cuppa, fold washing, make dinner – DING!
‘Tis the baby vortex, the baby vortex, yeah

That’s my song…..Not very inspirational stuff to write about, huh? But hey, we boldly endeavour to make the mundane interesting in the land of Blog so I shall persevere!

Strangely enough there seems to be quite a market for sexy housewives. They’re like mythological creatures. I’m sure they exist somewhere. but I’ve never seen one with my own eyes ( no offence, ladies). Many disappointed people have entered some fairly interesting things into google and been led to my site (did you know I can check these things? Technology is wild!). One poor, unsuspecting googler typed in ‘real sexy housewife photos’. Is it just me or is that an oxymoron? I would hazard a guess that he (I’m guessing he) was hoping for someone vacuuming in lingerie, or washing up in the buff bar some fluffy topped gloves, but in reality he got me. He should send me a thank you email for not putting up images of myself with scarecrow hair, breast feeding in my flannelette pajama’s on the couch surrounded by piles of washing. He may never sleep again, and not in a good way.
Somebody else typed ‘bending photos of housewife’. Would that be a house wife folding pictures in half or bending over to pick up Leggo and half chewed food? Neither is particularly sexy to my mind, but hey, different strokes for different folks.
Another poor sucker typed in ‘real housewife fantasies’, no doubt hoping for tawdry tales of plumbers ‘fixing plumbing’ and Juan the Poolboy ‘cleaning filters’ but alas, they ended up with me talking about how I fantasise about reading a book on the train.
Bup bow.
Epic search engine failure.

How very disappointing…..but seriously, what the hell do people think housewives get up to? Or am I just really boring?
That said, any time I’ve had an actual plumber or appliance delivery man come over he’s not been worth half a look (except that one time that cute guy delivered some white goods – not a euphemism, it was a fridge).
Perhaps, if people wanted housewives to have stinking hot fantasies then tradies should take better care of themselves and not have their hairy bum crack visible and apply a touch of deodorant??
Jus’ sayin’.

I posted a picture of my tracksuit/socks/Birkenstocks ensemble on Facebook recently and was thoroughly ridiculed for my trackie pants. I’d like you to know that although they have not been dispensed of, I have added a pair of PJ’s to my suburban repertoire.
That Longoria has nothing on me.

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12 Responses to “Photos of Real Life Sexy Housewives.”

  1. tdblue June 5, 2012 at 1:05 am #

    Funny stuff!

  2. Zanni Arnot November 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    Awesome post! Even though baby is crying in the sling I’m smiling. People type the strangest things into Google. It’s such an insight into people’s minds. X

  3. Cassandra December 12, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    All right, the second picture just about killed me. A+ for expression and composition.

  4. larva225 December 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    I recently posted about my own cold sweats at the thought of going on maternity leave for the second time. It’s coming up sooner than I’d like. To hell with sexy. I’d just like to be able to bathe at least once every 3 days!

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys December 30, 2012 at 7:14 am #

      You’ll surprise yourself this time around…it’s easier in many ways whilst being harder in others! Good luck with your impending miracle (baby, not hygiene upkeep).

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 29/12/2012, at 10:39 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  5. leonard May 15, 2014 at 6:04 pm #

    I see all the posts are from 2012…..well, I’ve been searching the ” mythological creature “, for about, 5 years, now, And, truly, you ARE mythological becuase this is the first time i ” land” on your website. believe me, i have been searching that long for a very real, true housewife; you can’t get anymore real than you. Though, i have typed almost every description of a real, sexy housewife; In shape, form, position, with every type of nomenclature that you can add…just use your imagination and I’m sure you’ll get one, if not two, describtions i have used.nothing but FAKE amatures…and the rest doubtful guesses.
    Im a fair/decent guy…and as a curious searcher of the “mythe”, i would like to get to know and DISCOVER what a very real, true, honest housewife does. Obviously, im single. Not planning to have a wife in any foreseeable future. Your writing describes you as fun, funny, witty, and, in a guess, a good conversationalist. Respond with a reply on here. I’ll be checking this site every good while to see if you have replyed. I’m hoping that i will make contact with the long searched housewife….and see what the commotion is all about.
    Hear from you soon??:)

    P.s.
    I wonder how the rest of the posters landed on here???;)

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys May 15, 2014 at 6:08 pm #

      You made me laugh! Yes, a mythical creature I most certainly am. Currently ensconced in Ugg boots and sweats there is no doubt that I’m the real deal!

      • leonard May 15, 2014 at 6:20 pm #

        I can not believe it….you are real…very real. I don’t even know where to begin. You catch what you always wanted then it dawns on you…”now what”. It even crosses your mind to say…” should i let it go” …” chase it again??”. I’ll say no. Ok, it’s empiricism time. First of all, how are you?

      • Keeping Up With The Holsbys May 15, 2014 at 6:33 pm #

        Oh my god, Leo, are you flirting with me?
        Awesome.

        I’m very well, thank you.

      • leonard May 15, 2014 at 6:41 pm #

        Am i that obvious….maybe, i need to get into an art of being subtle workshop. 🙂 like, so far, the mind of such mtyhical creature. Besides…what better way to distract boredom and get away from it by flirting. How was your day today?

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