Spring Into Skinny Jeans

12 Jul

The other day, I did a rather disappointing mathematical equation.

Baby weight + multiple batches of biscuits and ice cream = pouchy tummy.

Boo. Hiss.

I’m not an idiot, I know how it works – energy in versus energy out. Seeing as I will not be giving up biscuits, ice-cream or inappropriate serving sizes of pork belly ย and roast potatoes any time soon (nor could I possibly let y’all down by going all ‘lettuce and mung bean’ on you), I need to step up my calorie burning. Walking to the fridge, sadly, isn’t actually classified as exercise. I have been to bootcamp once in the last year, and I’m fairly sure that’s not quite the requisite calorific expenditure for negative gearing. Shame.

I packed the kids into the Titanic and on a cold winter’s morning, we hit the pavement for a run. Yeah….I know.
Simulateously, I broke one of my cardinal rules. I vowed, upon moving to the ‘burbs, to never, ever, wear track pants out of the house. I had a particularly ugly pair to help me stay true to this vow, until recently…….well folks, as I was dressing for this jaunt I thought if ever you can get away with sweats in public, it’s on an early winter’s morning run. My new trackies are fluorescent lime so I reasoned with myself that, in fact, I was wearing them for my children. These puppies are like a traffic safety beacon on my arse. I knew we wouldn’t be missed in the early morning haze.

Cast your mind back….from memory, how many women have you seen running with a double pram? Especially one not specifically designed for such behaviour?
Not sure? Can’t remember? Let me tell you – Not. Bloody. Many.

By the time you have a toddler, a baby, a nappy bag, plus snacks packed into the actual pram, you’re looking at about 40 kilos. Pushing it up-hill like a lumbering Hunchback with a twisted bowel, I felt like a reverse Husky in the morning mist. What I really needed was D Man to be yelling ‘mush, mush’ whilst flicking a crop at me, but all I got was him yelling ‘yummies, nyummies’ at the top of his lungs. At least it let people know to get out of the way, as my pram steering is sketchy at speed (when I say speed, I mean, jerky, laboured walk/run).
It appears something wacky happens to my pram at this pace. The left front wheel locks in forward and refuses to swivel for easy turning. Great for straight lines but alas, the world is not flat and the paths are not straight. D Man ended up off one gutter and in three bushes. He didn’t complain because he’s quite the Knievel, and he can’t really talk.

You may recall a couple of months ago I wrote about being desperate and dateless on the buddy front out here in the wilds (if you missed it, you can catch up here). Well, D man and I were out cruising in the local park recently and we were picked up. I didn’t have to use my smooth lines as this Mama practically threw herself at me. She was in the same boat. We’ve been on a couple of ‘walking’ dates, shared afternoon tea and today we progressed to a home-made boot camp in our local park. Yes, sir, I done gots me a bonafide friend. I refrained from wearing my lime greens, though, as I don’t wish to peak too soon in our relationship.

Anyway, the moral to the story is, I’m not going to buy a bigger pair of jeans. I’m determined to get back in my old ones. If I have to rock a little muffin top, I’m down with that (seems de rigueur out here anyhoo), but by jove, on September 1st, I’ll be wearing my old faithfuls.
Watch this space…….. (she types whilst eating ice cream – my determination is inspiring, no?)

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11 Responses to “Spring Into Skinny Jeans”

  1. EllaDee July 12, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    I love this post. i dragged [just] myself back into an exercise routine early this year. It involves fitting a daily early morning walk in before I go to work. I found the elusive motivation I’d been looking for, 1 coffee only before and no food until I’ve walked for 40 mins. The thought of toast & coffee waiting for me at home is the carrot I need to get me moving. An added cardio bonus is, I’m now always running late for work so I have to sprint up the hill to the train station as well. I’m with you if not in body, then in spirit ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. alanakleinig July 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    Oh I loved this post, hilarious!! Only thing missing for me was a shot of those lime hot pants!

  3. Fabulous Mommy July 13, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    Oh my goodness I literally laughed out loud. One of those awkward suppressed snorts when it is 3am and you are trying not to gaffaw because your significant other is sleeping next to you. The evil kneivel line just killed me. I can imagine it. Green sweats and everything.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys July 13, 2012 at 11:36 am #

      They’re fashion sweats, I’ll have you know. Tight in the ankle and baggy up top. Yep, lime green poo catchers. MC Hammer would be proud ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. SwittersB July 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    My dear wife has quite a few pairs of pants she intends to get back into..various sizes that give her many options of sizes. All good…nice post.

  5. shoes July 13, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    Yup, I am right there with you. I refuse to give up my nightly beer and dish of ice cream but the muffin top of mine has to go (or at least get a bit smaller.) I started working out for the first time ever doing the Xbox/Kinect program and I am enjoying it. Plus I can wear whatever I wish in the privacy of my own house (usually shorts and a sports bra but I could rock some lime green pants if I wanted.)

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys July 13, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

      You should try the lime greens, they’re very liberating. With two little boys you don’t have many vices, right? Don’t be giving up the beer and ice cream. Sometimes I look forward to them all afternoon. Must get a life ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Bunny Eats Design July 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    “like a lumbering Hunchback with a twisted bowel”…Fabulous visuals D! I’ve haven’t run in my adult life. It hurts too much. But I love walking. Your walking dates sound perfect. Get yourself a cute outfit and play yummy mummies while you march those buns of steel around the neighbourhood.

    I haven’t owned a pair of trackpants in over 15 years. Thankfully, I don’t cling onto a pair for sentimental value.

    I refuse to buy a bigger pair of jeans too. If I can’t fit my skinny jeans, I’ll have to live without them. No way am I getting a large pair of skinny jeans. I’m not giving up on the food I love, but I have been dishing up smaller portions. By smaller, I mean normal sized, not diet sized. I have realised that I’m too short to be eating the same amount as my man-sized, physically active husband. It’s just bad maths.

    I’ve been sick for the last month and a half which means I’ve been very physically inactive. I can’t wait until I get better. Even if it means exercise.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys July 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

      Honestly, my lime green are kinda cute…..I still haven’t worn them on a walk date though! I hear you on the portions. My hubby eats massive portions so I kid myself that my smaller ones aren’t actually so large…… I have decided today, that I’m giving up Dexter’s food. I much on his left overs, rejects and sometimes take it straight outta his hand. That’s a fair place to start, me thinks!! Hope you’re feeling better, babe. Can’t believe you’re still sick. Damn winter. Bring on the sunshine.

      Take it easy, definitely no exercise ๐Ÿ˜‰

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