Courage of Conviction

7 Oct

I saw a documentary aaaaages ago about birth, and the different choices women make.

There was a lesbian couple, a single lady, a woman undergoing about her 10th IVF treatment, someone who had elective caesarian, someone who had a home water birth, a lady who loved her nephews infinitely but never wanted a child of her own….you get the picture, right?
A mixed bag of all sorts.
It was a beautiful study into the wealth of choices we have available to us, but time and again I heard loud and clear that whatever your choice, there was always someone standing in the wings to judge you.

I had two natural births. I practiced the Calm Birth technique, that I’d practiced for a weeks in advance, and I managed to get through the experience with nothing more than a suck of gas.
Am I Captain Smug Pants?
Sure.
Am I amazing?
Absolutely.

If I had another child, would I have another natural birth?
I don’t know. I think I’m done on that particular experience (especially asking me now, 5 months after my last -not long enough to forget).

I have a friend with a babe two weeks younger than my daughter, Kiki. She elected a caesar, and is not breast-feeding. *sharp intake of breath*
I like to think I’m open minded to anyone’s choices but my inner Judge Judy knitted her eyebrows at this news, and went into vicious debate with my open minded self.
What kind of woman does this????

You know what kind of woman?

A woman who has the benefit of experience to know that she didn’t want to experience a long and potentially fruitless labour, or a hungry baby losing weight.

A woman who has the benefit of options available to her.
Watching this gorgeous mother sing her baby love songs leaves absolutely no doubt that the method used for baby expulsion has nothing whatsoever to do with the type of mother you are.

Is she amazing?
Absolutely.

I have another dear friend who was all ethno-bongo with her first labour, but it all went wrong at the last minute and everyone was very lucky that we live in the 21st Century, else the outcome may well have been drastically different.
With the labour of her second child she was scared going into it. She decided she wanted an epidural at the first contraction, thank you very much.
Does that make her less ethno-bongo?
Nope.
It makes her damned lucky that she has the opportunity to embrace the birthing experience in whichever way she feels is the best for her…..and she had an awesome birthing experience that is no less inspiring and beautiful.

No matter what you choose, in any aspect of your life, there is always someone waiting to judge you.
Whether it’s something simple like the clothes you wear, the way you live your life or the way you raise your children, someone else thinks they’re way is better, cooler or right.

The biggest gift we give to ourselves is courage of conviction. You need to back yourself.

You need to stand strong in your choices and stick by your guns. Only you know the best way to live your life, and provided you’re doing it with integrity and love, then no one has any right to judge your actions.

Live your life.

Your way.

Henri Matisse said creativity takes courage, but you know what?
Life takes courage.

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7 Responses to “Courage of Conviction”

  1. y0urmyw0nderwall October 7, 2012 at 10:24 am #

    Reblogged this on heartbreakwarefare.

  2. sybaritica October 7, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    Captain Smug Pants?? Heyyyyy… that’s my secret identity! I have a costume and everything. Birthing babies is all very well, but I leap from building to building fighting bad table manners and other crimes.. How dare you!

  3. Rachel Noel October 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    I just got back from a toddler Halloween party. It was so much fun but I was suddenly super aware of how I parent my kid in relation to how all the other parents were handling their kids. I think everyone was doing their best to mind their own business when one parent had to take their kid outside for a talk, or when one kid wouldn’t share ANY of his cars (my kid). But it’s kind of a delicate situation- being all mixed up together for the sake of some holiday “fun”. The judging starts before the baby is ever born, and there’s so much pressure on women. I’m really sensitive to that kind of talk because my birthing experience had a lot of complications and though I pumped for seven months; nursing made my kids choke. I really appreciated this post. Parenting, being pregnant, and giving birth is hard enough without having the feeling that you’ve volunteered yourself for public scrutiny. Rupaul has a great saying, “What other people think about you is none of your business.”

  4. faydanamyjake October 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

    Great post. Congrats on your births * in awe* I don’t know why people are so mean to each other. It’s like they feel putting someone down gives them another body to stand on. I used to try and shrung it off when I was younger. At my grand age now, i just observe in bewilderment from under my saggy eyelids and try to drop some happy uplifting fairy dust when I can. It will never end.

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