It’s time for me to go to rehab.

26 Feb

facebook rehabI don’t know how it happened, and I’m certainly not proud.
I used to actually have a life and I think that that’s where the problem began.

When I was working in nightclubs I’d often see someone who had discovered drugs late in life. They take more than everyone else, get more bent and more ugly, and dance harder, faster, freakier on the podiums and do it more regularly than the young hipsters….well, that’s me on Facebook.

I was a late comer.

I didn’t get the point of MySpace and when everyone was banging on and on about Facebook, I just wasn’t interested. I had a life, thank you, I don’t need to be a voyeur in others’.

I am but a lemming, it would appear, for when people would show me pictures and updates from people I fancied stalking whilst never having to speak to or snicker at from the safety of my chair, I realised that perhaps there was a whole network in/out there that I hadn’t tapped into.

I’m a social person, perhaps the ‘social network’ would be something I could enjoy casually?

Enjoy casually, my arse.

I’m ashamed to say I jones for it like a crack-head and  I need to go to rehab….. or maybe just to Facebook Addicts Rehab Therapy Sessions, or FARTS as they’re more commonly known.

I remember the day I joined the revolution.

I did it on the sly whilst at work. To be more precise, I did it really blatantly because I’m a shocking piss-taker in the work place and within the hour I had a few friends.
Then those friends liked stuff, and then I liked stuff, and then…….I was hooked.

Gaining friends was like a popularity contest, and seeing as I’d never win one of those, it felt like a sudden surge in celebrity.

I would like people I didn’t even like, and read status updates that shat me to tears from small minded bigots until I got so cranky I wanted to repeatedly smash my head against the screen.

One person in particular I was forced to ‘unfriend’ when she was banging on about ‘the boat people’ one day. She was outraged that they received free cigarettes whilst her husband had to pay for his. They were probably only coming here for free durries.

WTF? Why, oh why, was this I reading this twaddle?????

So, I amputated a few people….it felt quite liberating. So I amputated a few more.

I’m not going to be all ‘Facebook is bad, mmmmkay’ because that would be the equivalent of of bashing a friend with a cricket bat, but what I do want to say is that I seriously, truly, need to monitor my usage because this shit is freakin’ addictive.

I doubt I’m alone when I say that my FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out – is at peak hysteria and I check my damn phone waaaaaaay more than truly necessary, to see what’s going on out there in LIFE while I’m in here living Groundhog Day.

With the invention of the iPhone I can check every damned thing all the time wherever I am. Problem is, I do. On the toilet, in the supermarket queue.

In my car. At the lights.

Invariably, I’m not missing anything but I just like to be reassured of the fact.

I’ve started to gauge my day by how much ‘like’ I get.  Oh my god, today I’m, like, totally hilarious/interesting or just plain rad – obviously. I know because I got the big, blue, thumb’s up from all y’all.

Today must be a good day……and I must be cool. High five, yo.

It’s not all bad. I’ve used Facebook for good also. I’ve found some great friends, old and new, and for that I thank Facebook. It truly is a nexus and I really think that little weirdo Zuckerberg might be onto something.

What I am going to do, from this moment forward, with you as my witness, is turn my phone off for two hours a day, and NEVER look at it whilst in the car.

2 hours is not a big deal, it’s 1/12 of a day, and in that time I will be solely 100% focussed on what I’m doing. Just two hours of not splitting my focus and giving a shit about who thinks what about Beyonce’s thighs, what they had for lunch, or trout pouts in the bathroom mirror.

Yeah, good plan. I really do like that….. Just going to go Facebook it.

How’s your Facebook usage? You an addict, or on top of it?

I’d like to give a super big thank you to the fantabulous Jess at EssentiallyJess for making me February’s Blogger of the Mo……and for advocating that Holsby TV gets picked up and turned into a series!

When she contacted me I panicked because I have always thought my mo was something to be ashamed of but I think the light in this picture really highlights the subtle way it accentuates my mouth.

blogger of the mo

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30 Responses to “It’s time for me to go to rehab.”

  1. Brenda L. Yoder February 26, 2013 at 8:01 am #

    Loved this.

  2. iSophie February 26, 2013 at 8:09 am #

    It really has a snowball like effect doesn’t it. I consciously try to not check my phone all of the time, esp if I am having coffee with friends. I will wait until they duck to the toilet… 😉

    Great mo!

    #teamIBOT

  3. Housewife in Heels February 26, 2013 at 8:31 am #

    Congrats on being blogger of the mo and for wearing a mo so well! I too love Hoslby TV. I have had a little Facebook/net detox since losing my phone 10 days ago. I’ve accepted it’s gone- along with all the videos I had of my toddlers answering calls from telemarketers!

  4. leighleigh22 February 26, 2013 at 8:31 am #

    Love it!

  5. rabidlittlehippy February 26, 2013 at 9:56 am #

    I too was a major addict of Facebook (or Faceache as my husband call it) but when we were planning our move to our 1/2 acre and semi sufficient lifestyle I realised that we would fail miserably given that I too would spend hour upon hour checking and rechecking Facebook, on the laptop and the iPhone (yes, on the loo, at the park, friends places and everything) and I was achieving a big fat nothing all day long. I made the hard choice to close my account. Cold Turkey. And I am embarrassed to admit it took me weeks to act upon the decision and months to reach the decision BUT the pain of losing it was shameful. However, a few months on and I must admit I rarely miss it. I still spend an inordinate amount of time on the laptop but I do manage to achieve things and learn things that are worth learning – how to grow plants, make things and where to source supplies as opposed to who won the Oscars, which of my friends ate toast for breakfast and who hates/loves who at this particular moment. I have no more angst from so-called friends posting drivel and although i do miss out on a bit of news from true friends, I keep in touch via email, skype and text with my true friends. 🙂

  6. monk-monk February 26, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    I wanted to share this on Facebook, but then, am I giving in to the addiction, too? 🙂

    Seriously, though, the other day I was thinking about how I check facebook so often and that I would go “awhile” before checking. It lasted 2 minutes. Seriously. I am chain-facebooking, checking at work AND on my phone at the same time. Somebody stop me!

    I heard that receiving a “like” on your page or pictures lights up a part of the brain like drugs. I don’t know if that’s true…but it sorta feels true…

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys February 26, 2013 at 10:25 am #

      It is totally true.

      Share away. Awareness is the first step, and I can get high if they like it 😉

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/02/2013, at 10:20 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

    • Zanni Arnot February 26, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

      There is something called an i-disorder. Look it up. It’s true what you say!

      • monk-monk February 27, 2013 at 4:52 am #

        Yeah, I hear it’s becoming more and more common. I am wondering if the DSM V that’s coming out will have more in-depth information about it from a counseling perspective.

  7. Rachel February 26, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    Hi there- this is my first time visiting your blog and even thought I’ve only read a couple of posts I’m hooked!

    I maybe forced to join you in rehab due to a little FB revelation I had the other day. A colleague friended me at work – no problem right? Wrong. The colleague is a serial “selfie” poster – I’m talking up to 10 per day of her at home, taking her dog for a walk and even IN HER FREAKIN OFFICE which would have to be the most boring place in the world. And it get worse… in every single one of those selfies she is diong duck-face. I shit you not.

    So why don’t I unfriend her? I realise I have become addicted to mentally taking the piss out of her inane posts and awful selfies. It’s like a car crash and I cannot look away.

    An in case you were wondering no I’m not proud of myself…!

  8. Eleise @ A Very Blended Family February 26, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    A great idea! I think it is easy to get caught up in the facebook thing especially on the phones. I don’t use my phone for facebook and I limit weekend facebook to one hour a day!

  9. Kyla @ TQF February 26, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    I’ve totally scaled back the social media addiction after my little man asked me if he could play on the facebook with me (he’s 3) and I figured it was about time I put the phone down and played with him, we now have a ‘no social media until after his bedtime’ rule and it’s really nice… until I remember that I might be missing out on something 😀

  10. Sonia Life Love Hiccups February 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    Yep – Facebook addict here too, but I am currently on the wagon which feels great. Lets just not talk about my other addictions like Instagram and Vine.. x

  11. mumabulous February 26, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

    Becoming a blogger is like going from pot to heroin.

  12. Have a laugh on me February 26, 2013 at 2:33 pm #

    Great mo girl – might try and get one – it really does make your smile stand out!
    I’m going to try and leave phone at home heaps more also – my kids are going to be addicted just because I am. My daughter asks me to put photos of her on FB! That’s def not a good sign x

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys February 26, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

      Yeah, D Man often says ‘Stop looking’ with regards to my phone.. we also have no phone family outings on Saturday mornings because Mister H is an addict too. Baby steps, and awareness are a good start.

      I should get a watch because I use my phone as a clock. then I can leave it at home. Good plan.

  13. Zanni Arnot February 26, 2013 at 2:41 pm #

    It’s the closest thing I have to an addiction. Admittedly, apart from my Facebook page, I am little bored of the usual Facebook. It’s all a but same-ish, and I think I have finally convinced myself that I’m not missing out on anything. I am a social person too, so Facebook does fill a certain need. x

  14. Lisa@RandomActsOfZen February 26, 2013 at 2:42 pm #

    I’ve scaled waaay back on FB and have to say I don’t really miss it. I find blogging has taken over, and am just starting on IG. Pinterest is my big vice now, once I start on that, the hours just melt away!

  15. Amanda @ Cooker and a Looker February 26, 2013 at 2:50 pm #

    Two hours a day you say? Challenge accepted. Facebook has become the new opening-the-fridge-when-I’m-not-hungry-just-to-see-what’s-inside for me. You’re on lovely lady!

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys February 26, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

      that is the PERFECT analogy!!!!

      I did 8 til 10 this morning…..it wasn’t too bad! Turned my phone off and all.

  16. Kim February 26, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    My name is Kim, and I have a facebook problem. It’s the first thing I look at in the morning. Yes, I am ashamed. No, my husband’s not still beside me. Glad I found your blog! You look great in a mo. 🙂

  17. Mrs D February 26, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Great post Mrs H. Good luck with it, breaking the addiction is the hardest part. Lovin’ the lady-mo, it really brings out your eyes 😉

  18. Bunny Eats Design February 26, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

    I just put on Amy Winehouse after I saw your post title 🙂

    I was a late comer to FB. I joined just before I got married because I couldn’t bear having a wedding without seeing it from FB afterwards. I would say I’m an addict. They if you want to check if you are an alcoholic, see if you can go 2 days a week without it. Could you do that with FB?

    Culling your “friends” is great. I do it every now and then. I usually try and keep it down to 300 but I see it’s ballooned again to 350. Might be time to cull again. The worst though is when you cull someone on FB and then you see them in real life. You just hope they haven’t noticed or at least don’t bring it up in conversation.

  19. EssentiallyJess February 26, 2013 at 9:10 pm #

    Is it bad that I would struggle to turn off my phone for two hours? Who knows what I would miss?
    I think I may need to join you in rehab.
    Oh and BTW, loving the Mo. You’ve totally got it going on

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys February 26, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

      I picked two hours where I would be very busy.. it reached for it a few times, like a good addict, but stood strong. You’d have been impressed. The mo was for you, babe. All for you x

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Signs are EVERYWHERE: why I might need to dial back my “screen-time” « boof & monk-monk - February 26, 2013

    […] Because there I am, perusing my Reader and I’m struck upside the head with the article It’s time for me to go to rehab over on Keeping Up with the Holsby’s. Funny. She sorta puts what I had been thinking into […]

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