A Few Lessons in Patience, Grasshopper

26 Mar

fresh olivesPatience is one of those virtues that many people aren’t born with.

I wasn’t born with it. No, siree, Bob.

I’ve been known to lose my shit in all manner of places due to a distinct lack of willingness to endure. I used to be incensed by tardiness. A friend running late was enough to make me lose my cool, but now I almost expect people to be a little late, and people cancel last minute all the time when they have kids.

Thankfully, there are many opportunities in life that force allow you to train yourself to have a greater level of patience.

1. Parenting

If you don’t learn to overcome your impatience and quick temper, your head will implode and you are in danger of becoming an alcoholic. Children will make you late, make you tired and make your house messy. Watching a baby learn to feed themselves requires the utmost patience as you watch food going up their nose, all over the floor and in their hair.
You can almost guarantee they won’t do that at 15, so be patient.

2. The Post Office at Christmas

The post office brings out the S.L.O.W. in people. Everyone fumbles for their change, takes inordinate amounts of time to write things and chat to the cashiers about the weather. I hate the festive post office so much I always swear I’m going to send my cards in July… I never do, of course.
I tend to send none at all and say they got lost in the mail. Win.

Did I say I cut them? I used the term 'I' very loosely......

Did I say I cut them? I used the term ‘I’ very loosely……

3. The female toilet queue at a music festival 

There is nothing more disheartening than waiting until the last second to leave your favorite band to hit the Port-a-loo, and finding yourself at the end of a line of ladies jiggling from foot to foot. It’s amazing how you can hold it until just as you’re about to assume the ski-hover, 5 cms from the fetid toilet seat, and then you almost pee yourself as you undo your top button.

4. Listening to your Grandfather’s stories…..again.

I don’t know about your Grandfather, and after a recent little health hiccup, I’m pleased ol’ Fred is still around to be infuriating, but he tells the same stories over and over. I try not to cut him off or fill in the blanks but it’s not easy.
I was so thrilled recently when my child flat out refused I pull his finger.
He is smarter than I was at that age.

filling the olive jar with water

5. Growing Your Own Vegetables

From little things, big veges grow, but it doesn’t happen over night. Some things are sweeter and more delectable eaten as babies (think peas, beets and carrots, and lambs) but others need to time to ripen and mature into something that can grace your plate. Daily tending, with water and kind words can be a chore at times, but with perseverance and patience you too can eat a caterpillar nibbled, oddly genital shaped, organic vegetable.

6. Rendering video

Anyone in the business of movie making will know what I mean. Watching that little blue bar slowly creeping across the screen is maddening if you’re in a rush. A deep breath and a cup of tea may not speed it up, but it will relax you. Or have a whiskey. Or a wank.

7. Waiting for your husband to do the thing he said he’d do later

If I ask him again, it’ll be nagging. Only ask every 6 months so you cannot be accused.
After a year, pay someone else to do it.

8. The person in front at the checkout requiring a price check

This only ever happens when you’re in a rush or your kid is having a Force 10 meltdown. Annoyance is only momentarily alleviated if the product requiring said price check is of a personal nature, like KY or profillactucs  prophylactics frangers.

water and olives

9. City traffic

Suckballs. ‘Nuff said.

10. Brining your own olives

I’ve never done it before, and it’s certainly not hard. After gently slicing them all, I popped them in water which we lovingly change every day for 4 weeks. After the four weeks is up, I’ll put them in brine which we change every couple of days. After about 6 weeks in total, they’ll be ready to marinate in some olive oil with lemon and chili and garlic, if we so desire. Not hard, but requires great patience, Grasshopper.

Stay tuned for Olive Brining, Part 2.

Hooking up with Our Growing Edge for the monthly link up. Come and flash your culinary adventures with us…..only 4 days until this month is closed, but next month there will be another opportunity to tend your growing edge.

Check out deets here.

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EssentiallyJess is my homegirl, so pop over and see what shaking at ibotville…..

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28 Responses to “A Few Lessons in Patience, Grasshopper”

  1. Bunny Eats Design March 26, 2013 at 7:52 am #

    Thank for tip #7. I cannot be faulted for nagging, I hate to be *that* wife so I only do gentle reminders. “If you get bored today, can you please hang out the washing?” It works. Looking forward to brining part 2. My parents have an olive tree that they haven’t harvested yet. They have made olive tea though. Less patience required.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 8:13 am #

      That’s actually not badexcept Mister H doesn’t get bored. He does good relax.

      • Bunny Eats Design March 26, 2013 at 8:18 am #

        Oh, so does the Koala. I only word it like that so it sounds like he could take it or leave it. It’s not an option, but it sounds like one 😀

      • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 8:19 am #

        Smart!

        Sent from my iPhone

        On 26/03/2013, at 8:19 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  2. Cooker and a Looker March 26, 2013 at 9:20 am #

    I’ve just returned from a music festival. Were you watching me in the loo queue? I’ll never learn!

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 11:35 am #

      Oh my god, really? Which one? I haven’t been forever it feels. I love a fest.

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/03/2013, at 9:20 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

      • Cooker and a Looker March 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm #

        A country music festival in the Hunter Valley Mrs Holsby. I suspect it wouldn’t be your cup of tea! 😉

      • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

        How can you say that? Dud you wear a ten gallon hat? 😉

        Sent from my iPhone

        On 26/03/2013, at 12:59 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  3. Declutterbug March 26, 2013 at 9:23 am #

    I read this because I absolutely lost it yesterday. I had a laugh, at your suggestions, which was quite a relief. I think my plan of action for tonight is to have an early night.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 11:36 am #

      I’ve been trying that. Last two nights in bed at 9.30. I’m slightly less cranky!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/03/2013, at 9:23 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  4. coloursofsunset March 26, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    I might have just wondered how “bringing your own olives” helped with patience. reading FTW! I could do each of those things on a daily basis and still not have any patience! i’d have very high blood pressure, though!

  5. Yvette @ Little Bento Blog March 26, 2013 at 11:55 am #

    oooooh Olive brining!!! how COOL!!! I want to do that… When my olive trees finally produce olives (about 7 years from now they say!)…… I love this list.. my husband’s grandfather is exactly the same!!! 🙂

  6. Kate March 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm #

    Todays lesson in calm: Not loosing my shit when Mr almost 3 complained he couldn’t pick up his toast because it was too rectangle. This came shortly after complaining that he couldn’t see the butter anymore, it melted, and next he cried because I ate his toast, which is technically correct but I ate it after he insisted we swap. All before the sun was up and the coffee made.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

      You are obviously at Master status. I would have struggled!!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/03/2013, at 1:07 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  7. always josefa (@always_josefa) March 26, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

    my boys are teaching me patience – the hard way. My parents make their own olives – it is such a slow process -still drives me crazy to wait- watching those jars of delicious olives just sitting there. where does the term Grasshopper come from? I think it is lovely xx

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 4:33 pm #

      It is from bad kung fu movies!!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/03/2013, at 1:14 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  8. theusefulbox March 26, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

    Oh the post office at Christmas… or the post office pretty much ANY time where I am… the worst! I know I wouldn’t have the patience for brining!

  9. Have a laugh on me March 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

    I always go to the men’s loos at music festival, I know I know, feral right? But I never touch the seat, or anything else for that matter and always wear shoes!

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 4:34 pm #

      I may have been known to frequents the men’s.

      A word of advice- don’t do it in gay bars.

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 26/03/2013, at 2:49 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  10. Karen March 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

    We cured our own olives last year, I feel your pain! But it is worth the wait, they turned out soooo well, and of course the added extra good taste because you did it all yourself!! Some things just get better with time!! x Karen

  11. Me March 26, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

    I’m someone who doesn’t have much in the way of patience either. When K was little I seemed to find some for a while, now that she is nearly 21, it’s gone again !!!
    Good luck with your olives – that definitely calls for patience !
    Have the best day !
    Me
    #IBOT visitor

  12. Alex aka WHOA MUMMA! March 26, 2013 at 7:51 pm #

    Oh geez, are we long lost twins? I have zero patience. ZILCH. Especially when kids are dicking around in the morning. The olives look DELISH. They’d be in my belly already.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys March 26, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

      I guarantee you would wait after you tasted the first one. Raw, untamed olives taste as bitter as a bare arse in winter.

  13. EssentiallyJess March 26, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

    And people in car parks. Why is it when you’re in a rush, no one can park quickly, make a decision, or understands what a red light is?

  14. Rachel March 26, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

    Even though I know it’s pointless I too get insanely enraged with slow people in cues. The people who ask unessecarily detailed questions about stupid things that most people know, and who seem to forget the fundamental point of buying soething requires them to have a reasonably good idea of where their wallet is!

    Very keen to see your finished brined olives too – don’t know if I’ve got the patience to try it myself but I’ve always wondered how it’s done!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Our Growing Edge… Edible All-Stars | Keeping Up With The Holsbys - March 31, 2013

    […] spot of pickling was undertaken by the Gravy House and myself. I’m brining some olives, but it’s a hell of a slow process that requires a large amount of patience. The Gravy […]

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