Where did you go? You are still here.

20 Jan

road_fields_clouds_sky_sunset_desktop_1440x900_free-wallpaper-1888Do you ever feel like playing hide and seek in hope of finding yourself?

You were there a minute ago, right?

Maybe it was actually and year or two, or ten, since you really saw it, but you can’t be that far away…. can you?

I’m not going to get all ranty-pant philosophical on yo’ asses but I just want to flag a little something I discovered recently.

You are still there.

You. Are. Still. There.

You may need to scratch off a little snot and unidentifiable crusty stuff, pry off some clinging fingers – both big and small, and dust off your sparkle but you’re still there…. and you are as sparkly as ever.

I was really flippin’ lucky recently to be able to give myself the gift of four days on my own. Not everyone can do that for a whole whoop of shitty reasons, both real and imagined, but where I was, or how long I was there for is not the important part of this spiel.

The important part is this….. I borrowed a pushy.

this was my trusty steed.... until it let me down.

this was my trusty steed…. until it let me down.

Yep, a bike.

When was the last time you rode a bike?

Not for exercise, not a stationary one next to 20 other sweating, groaning people, but rode a bike for pleasure?

You don’t like bikes?

Me either.

I got a damned flat tyre two kilometres from home and had to walk the stupid thing home in the dark fending off mosquitoes and cursing under my breath because the floaty effects of my cocktail was wearing off.

trusty steed mark 2.... loaner from a generous neighbour.

trusty steed mark 2…. loaner from a generous neighbour.

I borrowed another one the next day and….Hell, I don’t really even think the bike is the important part of the story…..

The important part is this….. I felt the wind in my hair, but I don’t really think the hair part is especially important if you happen to be follicly challenged.

There was an empty road.

Tall grass swaying gently in the breeze on either side and just an expanse of pock-marked asphalt in front of me.

The sky was blue with a few of those big, fluffy cumulo-whatsit clouds above and there was nothing there but me and my pushy bumping along the road.

And the wind in my hair.

And on my cheeks.

And in the gentle smile that sat upon my lips.

I could have been anywhere. I felt like I was everywhere.

This little road off the track in Northern NSW was for a moment somewhere exotic, somewhere sensual, somewhere nomadic.

Somewhere mine.

It was here, in this place, alone with just the sound of the birds and the insects and the thoughts in my brain that I realised –

I’m still here.

I wasn’t hiding all along.

I was just busy and forgot where I put me down.

Everyone’s life is very busy, and we all shoulder great responsibility – that’s just life…. but in the rush and weight of our days and months we sometimes forget to remember who we are.

I think I could find that road in many places, because it was a feeling.

It was peace. Joy. Liberation.

I fill myself up with people and I forget to just sit and be, because those moments where you are quiet that when you can remember you and discover that underneath all of the costumes we wear every day –

You.

Are.

Still.

Here.

I found this really really old picture of you

 

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12 Responses to “Where did you go? You are still here.”

  1. Mandy McLoghlin Dos Santos January 21, 2014 at 7:55 am #

    Love this one Dan as we are mental at the moment with all life changing shit going down. I want to furrow in to a little mound or pile of sticks and just fester for a bit for it all to blow over but then I wont get any say. Got to get out there and reap it all. I actually just entered a comp for a bike too!
    Always awesome, keep it up!

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys January 21, 2014 at 7:57 am #

      It’s a sign. That bike is yours!!! Change is good. Scary but good. And we’ll be able to drink tea.

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

  2. Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel January 21, 2014 at 8:58 am #

    Oh, what a beautiful post – made me get all teary. Clearly I need to get me a bike. And you are a fantastic writer. Thanks! Go team #IBOT!

  3. Zanni Louise January 21, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    Love this post so much. x

  4. ksbeth January 21, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

    i loved this, what a wonderful post and a wonderful reminder. maybe i’ll even get my bike out when the snow finally goes away )

  5. Me January 21, 2014 at 1:01 pm #

    THANK YOU !!! It’s been far too long since I went for a ride for fun – I think it is about time I did so.
    Have a great week !
    Me

  6. bakeplaysmile January 21, 2014 at 5:49 pm #

    Such a great post! Lol last year I said to my hubby that I thought we should start bike riding… we went on one ride and about 15 minutes into it I started grumbling about my sore bum. That was the end of my bike riding adventures!!! 🙂

  7. samstone76 January 22, 2014 at 1:49 pm #

    I love this. It is so true, sometimes you get so busy you forget where you put yourself down. I feel like that now. I think I need to jump on my bike and feel the wind in my hair. xo

  8. EssentiallyJess January 22, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

    It’s so easy to get lost isn’t it?
    I often forget who I am, and have to take a minute to remember.
    And I’m also a big fan of bikes 🙂

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