Nude yoga? Put that away.

26 Mar

Picture this, a room full of people, both men and women, gentle music playing in the background with waterfalls and soft pan pipes echoing through the Andes or something equally quasi-relaxing.

Blue and purple yoga mats adorn the floor like a patchwork quilt and the room full of bodies are all breathing into their sore spots as they contort themselves in a downward dog.

Just another yoga class, right?

Now imagine they’re all naked.

Bare butts in the air, secret starfish winking with exertion, dangly bits doing what they do best and breasts, well, it depends I suppose.

Naked friggin’ yoga.

source

source

I read this article about it and it was not tongue in cheek, or joking in the slightest.

I cannot stop giggling. Really?

SERIOUSLY??????

People do that??

I’m down with a nude beach, hell, even nude volleyball if you want, but YOGA???

Even the grab quote makes me giggle like a 5 year old –

“When we’re naked, it’s like we’re all the same”

No, we’re not. We’re all beautifully different, and watching people do yoga at the best of times can be awkward. Penises doing a mini-Salute To The Sun is downright hilarious.

I dare say watching a magnificently formed creature do yoga would be quite something to behold (genitalia notwithstanding), but for the rest of the populace…. come on.

I realise that you’re probably supposed to be focused on your own breathing and stretching, but I confess I would not be able to concentrate in a room full of people putting the arse in Asana.

I’m no prude. Really, I’m not.

Skinny dipping, no problem. In fact I’m a fan.

Haven’t actually partaken in huge amounts of sober nude swimming, but after a tasty beverage or 100 I don’t take much convincing to waltz down the beach with my buns shining under the moonlight or dive into the neighbouring hotel’s pool as naked as a fish in the middle of the night.

(Safety warning – naked swimming whilst under the influence is not recommended by Bondi Rescue, particularly during daylight hours).

Changing in front of people? Well, depends on the circumstance.

If I know you, I’m pretty chilled. Almost every one of my friends will attest to that. Probably a little less overt now than I used to be though… but only just.

In a public change room I do the shuffle whereby I tend to poke my least embarrassing nude bits out at the public and turn the rest of me to the wall.  The result of moist, sticky skin and fuggy change rooms actually probably renders me looking somewhat epileptic.

Maybe naked yoga is just the thing I need to really bring me out of my shell?

It’s most definitely not a sexual thing. The Bold & Naked Yoga Studio openly stipulates on their website that –

‘IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN ORGASM, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE’.

That wouldn’t even cross my mind, to be honest.

During yoga I’m usually concentrating too hard on not falling over or farting to even consider arousal. What does cross my mind, however, is how could I ever scrub from my retina the vision of 20 starkers yoga fans doing the Frog Pose?

125-frog-pose-mandukasana

source

Arghhhhh, my eyes! MY EYES!!!!

Yoga has never really been my thing anyway. I’m more of a boxing/spin/smash my cardio type of trainer so maybe I’ll keep my eye out for Nude Spin.

That said, if Mister Dimples held a naked spin class I may require defibrillation before the class even started.

I’d dread to imagine what that would look like.

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now as I have a little spiel there.

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Advertisements

7 Responses to “Nude yoga? Put that away.”

  1. C Eliza C March 26, 2014 at 9:39 am #

    Thanks for the morning giggle 🙂

  2. ksbeth March 26, 2014 at 9:44 am #

    yikes! this was hilarious and no one needs to see that!

  3. Have a laugh on me March 26, 2014 at 1:46 pm #

    SHUDDER, laugh and out and WTF! Thanks for sharing, I think 🙂

  4. San March 26, 2014 at 2:49 pm #

    Now you KNOW I’m going to have to post a comment about this don’t you :o) AND…… you given me so much material to work with. I’m thinking perhaps they should change their “punchline” to “stick your nose into other peoples business and be supple about it”. Personally, I’d be scared of getting stuck to the floor (being a sweaty betty and all.)

  5. Sam Stone @ A Life on Venus March 26, 2014 at 3:50 pm #

    I’m no prude either but YIKES!

  6. mumabulous March 26, 2014 at 5:11 pm #

    In this case I am NOT ready for the jelly. Pass.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: