Tag Archives: facebook

Information is beautiful, until paralysis

14 Sep

information is beautiful, until paralysisI don’t know about you but I’m finding a little information overload at the moment.

It’s as if there is so much information available to help me succeed in anything I want to do that it’s like the entire interwebs is beaming down celestial beams to help me become all that I can be.

I do want to be all that, but it’s a little exhausting at times.

We’re all trying to have time to do everything we need so, as much as I see the benefit of hacking life, I reckon mere survival should also be high fived.

We’re surrounded by –

Ways to be a better parent.

How to fit it all in.

How to organise your pantry.

Take a better selfie.

Housecleaning life hacks.

Be a better lover.

Be a better friend.

Have shinier hair.

How to be incredibly happy.

Obviously, I do not desire to let myself, my children, my pantry or my hair down but holy snapping duck shit, but my head starts to spin like Linda Blair without the zombie eyes and pea soup.

I don’t know where to start with getting my life in order, and according to the internet oracle I’m obviously doing everything wrong, so I’m getting the PARALYSIS. It starts in one leg like a dog with a tick and before you know it you’ve drunk a whole bottle of wine and decided to just leave world domination until tomorrow.

Do we really need to be ALL THAT WE CAN BE?

What if I just BE?

Slow down? Breathe a little?

You know when you’re sitting on the loo trying to do a poo and you push and push and all that happens is a fart at best or a fissure at worst?

Forgive the poop analogy but sometimes no matter how much you strain that shit ain’t happening so you just need to wait it out and not force it.

I read a post by Kelly Exeter yesterday about making life simpler that used the term ‘cherry picking’.

I am so guilty of that.

Looking at people’s fabulousness on social media and wishing I was living their fabulousness.

Their perfect husbands, hanging terrariums with plants that are alive, shiny well behaved children with clean faces. Their amazing shoes and handbags that match, and hair that never looks greasy. No adult acne. None.

No one puts the really shit bits on social media. Their partners skid marks, their infected ingrown hair on their bikini line, but you can guarantee everyone has THE SHIT.

And then I had the most hilarious thought.

I thought that if I’m in here looking at all of you thinking your lives look so interesting and cool and soooo together, then maybe someone out there is looking at my life thinking that my life looks so interesting and cool and I’m sooooo together.

And I laughed, and then I laughed some more.

information,

I had some girlfriends over for dinner on Friday night, and one of my girlfriends is going through a terribly difficult time in her marriage. And she said it….

She said the very words I had been laughing about.

“I see you and everything you do and I think you’ve just got it all so sorted, and you’re so together. You’re juggling everything and doing it on your own and you’re ok.” (paraphrasing, I was a bit squiffy)

I looked her in the eye and her told her that I spent a small portion of yesterday afternoon lying on the floor in my daughter’s room having a little panic attack and crying, hoping the children weren’t distracted enough from Jimmy Giggle to look for me and bust me on the floor, and I’d have to pretend I’d lost a shoe under the bed and got dust in my eye.

I don’t know where I’m going with this…..maybe I do.

Maybe it’s don’t be fooled.

Everyone is dazzling each other with smoke and mirrors, and if their pantry is jealously spotless maybe there is a skeleton in a closet that you would never wish for. Just cherry pick your own life. Look at those bits you love and highlight them and turn down the volume on the crappy bits.

Just breath. And instead of trying to be everything…

Just be.

At least for this week.

World domination can wait until next week.

If you like what you’re reading why not like my Facebook page now or subscribe via email, to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Cheating online… it’s still cheating and more dangerous than you may think.

22 Nov

internet cheatingA few months ago an acquaintance of mine called me in tears.

I didn’t know the mum of three that well so when she shared her shocking tale with me a little part of me wondered why on Earth she was divulging to me.

You see, she’d been having an online affair.

After a random person contacted her on Facebook, she struck up a little cyber dalliance – shall we say. Initially it was fairly harmless.

A little messaging here, a little flirting there… but after a few months of her telling this person of her marriage and health troubles it deepened into something a little more serious.

This person, who had been married many years (although anyone is susceptible I imagine) had been dissatisfied with her relationship for some time. She knew what she was doing wasn’t right, however, it was exciting and it made her feel incredibly sexy and desirable.

When he asked for pictures of her in lingerie, she donned her prettiest, and sent them with the click of the send button via email.

It was exhilerating.

She was falling for this guy. This German man living in Malaysia.

He was working in Asia as an engineer on a very big job, but when his passport and credit card got stolen he was in a bind for cash. She didn’t think twice about secreting away some of the family savings and wiring it to him.

When she was away from home on business they skyped for hours although his camera was playing up. When he requested she masturbate for him via the camera in her computer the idea was so exciting and titillating that she did.

And it was amazing.

The following week his money still wasn’t sorted and he needed to pay his employees, so she sent him some more money.

After the third cash injection she delivered the money totalled over $5000.

She didn’t care. He was amazing. He gave her everything that was lacking in her relationship.

He showered her with praise and sweet words.

He made her feel sexy.

You probably have an idea where this is going, because to the observer it’s freaking obvious, right?

After a big sordid show down that’s way too complicated to go into, she realised this Lothario was a con man, and she refused to give him any more time or money.

She was heart broken because she thought he loved her and she felt like a fool.

He said he had filmed her wanking, and he was going to release it on the web if she didn’t give him $20,000. He also threatened to email the photos to her husband. As everything was done via Facebook  he knew everything about her.

That’s about when she called me.

This particular instance is obviously quite extreme but I really think that cyber flirting is something worth discussing. At what point does this story cross the line?

Flirting is part of human nature. When it’s done well it’s nice and it makes the flirtee and the flirter feel great.

Flirting is harmless.

Cyber flirting is another matter. Flirting with intention is a whole other blog!

Behind the safety of your computer, you may feel as thought you can be more open than you normally would. You may divulge more than you should.

You may end up in trouble.

As for when it crosses the line from harmless flirtation into cheating, you really need to use your moral compass. I think a fairly basic rule of thumb to go by is –

If you need to keep it a secret from your partner, you’re crossing the line.

I’ve never been into a chat room, frankly, I don’t have the time, but they are fast becoming a way for dissatisfied partners to have cyber affairs. It feels safe, because you’re not actually doing anything but it is as innocent as one might like to think?

Not really.

So, my friend took a big risk and called his bluff. She said she wouldn’t give him any more money and she never wanted to hear from him again. Luckily, he went away and her secret has remained secret, except for you and I.

I guess the moral to this story is if someone you don’t know approaches you for friendship on Facebook you need to be careful. Sometimes boredom or marriage dissatisfaction can make you easy prey.

I am launching my new book on the 28th November. 6 days….The countdown is on!

Cook Once, Feed All COVER_lr

Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. This book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.

If you subscribe now to the Keeping Up With The Holsbys mailing list you will automatically receive my new mini-eBook ‘A Bit On The Side’  – A collection of fabulous summer salads and side dishes.

To pre-order your hardcopy of Cook Once, Feed All ($35) head to the Holsby Shop right now and you will be the first to receive the hard copy book after it launches on the 28th. You will also receive the Cook Once Feed All eBook (worth $15), plus the new eBook ‘A Bit on the Side’ (worth $5) as a bonus gift in your inbox today.

Three for the price of one, and you save $20.

Winning 🙂

If you like what you’re reading why not like my Facebook page now or subscribe via email, to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Hooking up with the floggers for FYBF over at With Some Grace.

Friending, Unfriending and Biscuits with Friends

23 Jun

Spiced Sultana Porridge CookiesI made two new friends recently. People that I think are really cool.

They’re funny, and smart, and they have similar values to me. All the qualities I look for in a friend.

We don’t actually know each other, not really, but when I saw the little friend request icon on the left hand corner of my page I felt like the first girl picked for the basketball team. I felt a little bit popular.

Conversely, when someone unfriends me, it can be quite deflating, and leave me wondering what I did wrong.

I’ve been unfriended a few times. I rub people the wrong way sometimes, you know, being big mouth and all.

The friends figure rises and falls, and it’s often hard to pinpoint who’s disappeared from your scope. The one time someone I actually cared about unfriended me, I thought it was a pretty loud way to make her statement. We had had an altercation, and now she didn’t want social contact with me anymore.

She didn’t care how witty or quippy I may be.

I was dumped.

Recently, someone in my outer circle said a couple of things, a couple of times, that really got under my skin and in anger I clicked the unfriend button hovering beside her name.

I thought we’d disappear from each others news feeds and that would be it… except she called me on it. She had no idea that I’d been offended so imagined I’d had accidental ham fingers or some such.

I explained the situation, and her feelings were hurt, and I felt terrible. I hate upsetting people.

Did I overreact? Maybe, but at the time I felt justified. I had been hurt by careless words.

Then I realised how incredibly highschool this whole Facebook ‘like’ process is.

spiced Sultanas cookies and cookie monster

There was a time where I collected FB friends like bottle tops. The more the better. I didn’t care how random, how obscure, how remote the connection, I wanted to be connected. I became a voyeur of the highest order and I spent (SPEND) hours peeping in the windows of people’s lives. Not people I actually wish to talk to.

God, no.

Just watch.

From afar.

Not their real lives either, of course, just the representations of themselves. Their branding. Their shopfronts.You can sell yourself and your life however you want. We’ve all become spectacular at one liners.

Well…… not all.

I heard someone say recently that unfriending was akin to cyber bullying, but it made me think how sad it was that we see Facebook as our be all and end all to connection.

I started to think that if I didn’t want to actually speak to someone, like EVER, than perhaps collecting them as a specimen was a strange, time wasting, pastime. I could spend the five minutes wasted trawling their history by talking to someone I do wish to connect with. Someone who gives something back. Someone who fills my energy pots instead of sucks them.

I had a mega friend cull in the wake of this. I ditched over 100 people from my friend list. Some of whom, whenever they popped into my feed, annoyed me anyway.

In truth, I could probably cull 100 more.

People I met once on a night out. People from school that I wasn’t even friends with at the time, and still now we have no common interests. A friend of a friend that one time I nearly…..you get the picture.

I am addicted and appalled by Facebook in equal measures, and I feel like a disloyal lover even saying it, but perhaps now we use the term FRIEND so loosely that we forgotten the true value of a good one?

I took a batch of biscuits to the park today to catch up with someone I don’t see enough. As our kids played happily in the sun, laughing and getting dirty with each other, we talked about our lives. We discussed the truths of our lives, and not just skimmed the window dressing of our shopfronts.
That connection filled my proverbial cup, and I thought once more about friendship, and where we place our precious energy.

Call your friends. If you don’t wish to commit to a chat because talking with kids around is a freakin’ nightmare, text them. Tell them what they mean to you and help fill their energetic cup, because life empties our cups over and over and it can be hard to stay half full, instead of half empty.

spiced sultana cookiesThese biscuits have been doing the rounds of my test kitchen lately. I’ve tried different flours, no butter, Rice Bran Oil, more sugar, less sugar.

This is it. This is the perfect combo. Not too sweet, yet delicious and still in the good for you spectrum.

Spiced Sultana Cookies

Yield : about 24 good sized biscuits

What you will need :

  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • ½ cup puffed brown rice
  • 1 cup sultanas
  •  ½ cup chopped dates
  • 1¼ cup self raising flour
  • ¼ cup brown sugar
  • 2 tablespoons rice syrup or honey
  • 2 small eggs, lightly beaten
  • 130 g unsalted butter, melted
  • 1 teaspoon raw sugar (for sprinkling)
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (for sprinkling)

What you need to do :

Preheat oven to 180C

Chuck all your dry ingredients, except the teaspoon of raw sugar and cinnamon, into a bowl and stir to combine.

Make a well in the middle and add wet ingredients and mix well.

Spoon tablespoon fulls onto baking paper on a tray. Press gently with a fork so they don’t look like rock cakes.

Combine your teaspoon of sugar and cinnamon, and lightly sprinkle each cookie with a little of the mix.

Bake for 10-15 minutes until lightly golden. Cool and nibble with friends.

kiki eating cookieskiki eating cookies

Are you addicted to Facebook? Or biscuits, for that matter?

If you like what you’re reading why not like my Facebook page now (yes, I get the irony) or subscribe via email, to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

It’s time for me to go to rehab.

26 Feb

facebook rehabI don’t know how it happened, and I’m certainly not proud.
I used to actually have a life and I think that that’s where the problem began.

When I was working in nightclubs I’d often see someone who had discovered drugs late in life. They take more than everyone else, get more bent and more ugly, and dance harder, faster, freakier on the podiums and do it more regularly than the young hipsters….well, that’s me on Facebook.

I was a late comer.

I didn’t get the point of MySpace and when everyone was banging on and on about Facebook, I just wasn’t interested. I had a life, thank you, I don’t need to be a voyeur in others’.

I am but a lemming, it would appear, for when people would show me pictures and updates from people I fancied stalking whilst never having to speak to or snicker at from the safety of my chair, I realised that perhaps there was a whole network in/out there that I hadn’t tapped into.

I’m a social person, perhaps the ‘social network’ would be something I could enjoy casually?

Enjoy casually, my arse.

I’m ashamed to say I jones for it like a crack-head and  I need to go to rehab….. or maybe just to Facebook Addicts Rehab Therapy Sessions, or FARTS as they’re more commonly known.

I remember the day I joined the revolution.

I did it on the sly whilst at work. To be more precise, I did it really blatantly because I’m a shocking piss-taker in the work place and within the hour I had a few friends.
Then those friends liked stuff, and then I liked stuff, and then…….I was hooked.

Gaining friends was like a popularity contest, and seeing as I’d never win one of those, it felt like a sudden surge in celebrity.

I would like people I didn’t even like, and read status updates that shat me to tears from small minded bigots until I got so cranky I wanted to repeatedly smash my head against the screen.

One person in particular I was forced to ‘unfriend’ when she was banging on about ‘the boat people’ one day. She was outraged that they received free cigarettes whilst her husband had to pay for his. They were probably only coming here for free durries.

WTF? Why, oh why, was this I reading this twaddle?????

So, I amputated a few people….it felt quite liberating. So I amputated a few more.

I’m not going to be all ‘Facebook is bad, mmmmkay’ because that would be the equivalent of of bashing a friend with a cricket bat, but what I do want to say is that I seriously, truly, need to monitor my usage because this shit is freakin’ addictive.

I doubt I’m alone when I say that my FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out – is at peak hysteria and I check my damn phone waaaaaaay more than truly necessary, to see what’s going on out there in LIFE while I’m in here living Groundhog Day.

With the invention of the iPhone I can check every damned thing all the time wherever I am. Problem is, I do. On the toilet, in the supermarket queue.

In my car. At the lights.

Invariably, I’m not missing anything but I just like to be reassured of the fact.

I’ve started to gauge my day by how much ‘like’ I get.  Oh my god, today I’m, like, totally hilarious/interesting or just plain rad – obviously. I know because I got the big, blue, thumb’s up from all y’all.

Today must be a good day……and I must be cool. High five, yo.

It’s not all bad. I’ve used Facebook for good also. I’ve found some great friends, old and new, and for that I thank Facebook. It truly is a nexus and I really think that little weirdo Zuckerberg might be onto something.

What I am going to do, from this moment forward, with you as my witness, is turn my phone off for two hours a day, and NEVER look at it whilst in the car.

2 hours is not a big deal, it’s 1/12 of a day, and in that time I will be solely 100% focussed on what I’m doing. Just two hours of not splitting my focus and giving a shit about who thinks what about Beyonce’s thighs, what they had for lunch, or trout pouts in the bathroom mirror.

Yeah, good plan. I really do like that….. Just going to go Facebook it.

How’s your Facebook usage? You an addict, or on top of it?

I’d like to give a super big thank you to the fantabulous Jess at EssentiallyJess for making me February’s Blogger of the Mo……and for advocating that Holsby TV gets picked up and turned into a series!

When she contacted me I panicked because I have always thought my mo was something to be ashamed of but I think the light in this picture really highlights the subtle way it accentuates my mouth.

blogger of the mo

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